To Be a Mainstay

One of the basic principles of the Dhamma is that the self is its own mainstay: “Attāhi attano nātho.” But when the Buddha explains what it means to create a mainstay, or a protector for yourself, it’s not just looking after yourself. You’re looking after others as well.

When he’s talking to monks, he says you learn all the duties that contribute to the well-being of the group. And if you look after the group, then the group can look after you. You get the protection of the group and all the benefits that come from having a good group. So even though Ajaan Suwat said there’s only one person we’re responsible for—we’re responsible for ourselves—but what does it mean to be responsible for yourself? You look after your true well-being, and you realize it’s going to have to involve the well-being of others.

So as the Buddha said, when you look after others, you’re going to be developing good qualities inside your own mind that you’re going to need to use in your practice, in training your own mind: things like goodwill, kindness, equanimity, patience. The Buddha realized that when people live together, there are bound to be problems. But if you have patience with one another, and equanimity about the fact that it’s normal that there are problems, then you can live with one another and not get upset.

There’s a passage where the Buddha says you overcome resentment with other people when you say that “This person has done something wrong to me, or wrong to people I love, or is doing it, or will be doing in the future,” he says you should ask yourself: “Well, what should I expect?”

You live in a human world. There are going to be differences. If you let the differences get you upset, then you can’t live in the human world. Where are you going to live? Out in the world with the wolves and the wildcats? Human society is the best we’ve got in this world.

So when you have a human society, do your best to make it a good society to be in. That way, you’re looking after yourself. You’re looking after the conditions for protecting yourself. Remember that true goodwill has to spread around, not only to yourself, but also to others; not only to others, but also to yourself. As you look out after one another, you’re looking after yourself. That’s what it means to be your own mainstay.