Death Is Normal

Close your eyes; focus on your breath. Notice when it’s coming in. Notice when it’s going out. Notice when it’s comfortable or not. If it’s not comfortable, you can change. It’s too long? You can make it shorter. It’s too short? You can make it longer. Deeper, more shallow; heavier, lighter; faster, slower: Try to see what rhythm of breathing feels best for the body right now. Give the mind a good, solid place to stay. Because the mind is running around all the time, it doesn’t really see its own affairs. It’s running after things out there in the world.

It’s good that we stop every day to take some time to take stock of our lives—where our lives have been coming from, where we’re going. When we have a death in the community like this, it’s time to take stock—both of the goodness of the person who’s passed away, what good lessons we can learn from that person so that, that goodness doesn’t die from the world—and then apply it to our lives. Where are our lives going right now?

The Buddha said this is how you should reflect. When you see other people dying out in the world, it seems normal. We have that chant, every day, every day, “We’re subject to aging, illness, and death.” In the Thai translation it says, “Aging is normal; illness is normal; death is normal.” But when it happens to someone close to us, it doesn’t seem normal at all.

We have to learn how to accept it as a normal part of our lives. This is going to happen, and realizing that—since we’re going to be leaving one another anyhow—we might as well take advantage of the time we have together now to do good for one another through our generosity, through our virtue, through our goodwill for one another.

Because even worse than suffering a loss like this, is suffering a loss when you have a regret that you didn’t treat the person right, or there was discord between you. So it’s good to patch up your differences with those who are living now. That way, when the time comes that we do have to part and go our separate ways, we can go in friendliness. We can go with a sense of having benefitted one another. Then, if we want to meet one another again in a future lifetime, we’ll meet on good terms. And we ourselves will have done good for ourselves.

As the Buddha said, when you look after others, you’re also looking after your own mind, just as when you look after your own mind, you’re looking after others. In other words, when you deal with other people, you have to develop equanimity, patience, goodwill, sympathy. And when you have these qualities, then you become more sympathetic to your own well-being. You benefit, too.

And the same way when you develop mindfulness: You learn how to be mindful not to follow your greed, aversion, and delusion. You don’t suffer from those things, and the people around you don’t suffer, as well.

So by looking after one another, we look after ourselves. By looking after ourselves, we look after one another. We know at some point we’re all going to have to go our separate ways, so let’s go on good terms, with a minimum of regret. In that way, we’re heedful. As the Buddha said, this is what you’re supposed to develop as a basis for all skillful qualities in life—a sense of heedfulness, that we don’t have much time left. We don’t know how much time we have left. So take advantage of right now to do what you know is good, in terms of generosity, virtue, goodwill—training your mind. That way, when the time comes to let go, you let go with a light heart and not a heavy one.

At the same time, the goodness that other people have taught us—that continues on into the world. Don’t ever let that die.