Social Becomings

The concept of becoming is a useful concept to know, because it happens on so many levels in our lives. On the internal level, it starts with a desire. You think of something you want. Then the next question is, in what world does that thing exist? And what identity would you have to take on in that world in order to get it?

This is something we do so quickly that we hardly notice the steps. We see something we want and then all of a sudden there’s “me” who’s trying to get it. Now, this happens in your imagination. Sometimes you can form a becoming and then reject it, saying, “It’s not worth it. It’s not interesting enough. I want something better.” Or somebody else just barges in: another desire with an object in a different world. This is the way the mind works instinctively.

It’s kind of like beavers. You take baby beavers—even ones who’ve been raised in captivity without parents—put them in the wild, and pretty soon they start making dams and lodges. That’s their solution to any problem: Build a dam. Our solution to any problem is: If you want something, what’s the world in which that thing exists? What identity would you have to take on, and is it worth it?

The same process happens as we go from one life to the next. You find yourself pushed out of this body. You can’t stay here any longer. It’s not going to do anything that you want it to do. Different images will appear to the mind: either an image of a sensual pleasure, or a pleasure of form, or a formless pleasure. There’s the world in which that pleasure can be found, and you take on an identity in that world. This is how we go from one life to the next, which is one of the reasons why, as we’re meditating, we have to train these individual becomings in the present moment, to learn from them and get some control over them.

We do that by creating the becoming of concentration. You inhabit the world of your body. You focus on the breath. Try to make the breath comfortable. And then you are the meditator. You’re the observer. You’re the one who’s doing the meditation. You’re the one who’s trying to enjoy the meditation at the same time. And it’s possible to do this skillfully.

After all, you’re already good at becomings. Now it’s just a matter of learning how to try out this new becoming and make it last. That’s the hard part. That’s what the mindfulness is for, so that when alternative becomings come up, you don’t just jump for them, as you ordinarily do. You hold on to this bigger becoming, inhabiting the whole body. The more you can stay here, then the more you understand the process of becoming, both in creating this state of concentration — seeing what’s involved — and also in fighting off the other alternative becomings that would come up: the little desires here, desires there.

Even before they become desires, something begins to form. A little knot of tension starts to appear in the body, like a snarl in your hair. You’ve got to comb it out. As you comb it out, the quicker you can do it, then the more steps you see in how these little becomings form. You then you learn how to apply that same knowledge to other becomings as you go through the day.

One important area is social becomings, when you’re with a group of people engaged in a certain activity, and there are some understood rules about that particular activity, how you engage in it — at least each person has his or her own understanding of the rules. This is where you have to be very careful, because sometimes you get into a particular social becoming where the precepts don’t matter.

The number one precept you’ve got to keep in mind regardless is: no lying, no misrepresenting the truth. It’s so easy when you’re with a group of people: You want to please them or to entertain them. And because you’re in that separate world, it’s as if Ajaan Mun doesn’t exist, Ajaan Lee doesn’t exist, the Buddha doesn’t exist, the precepts don’t exist. Then after you leave that world, you realize, “Oh, I said this, but I shouldn’t have said it. That was breaking the precepts.”

You have to be heedful and mindful. When you go into a particular social becoming, you have to keep reminding yourself, “Okay, there are certain rules that I have to remember here.” Heedfulness doesn’t mean that you have to be grim or glum, but you do have to have certain parameters. You have to establish certain rules for yourself. Otherwise, you get yourself into trouble.

The best rule to start practicing with is that one about lying, misrepresenting the truth. No matter how entertaining a little lie may be, no matter how pleasing it may be to other people to misrepresent things, or how easy it is to get yourself off of a hook, you’ve got to realize the precepts have to take priority, because karma is always working. It’s not like traffic laws, where you can park on certain sides of the street on some days but not on other days. It’s not the kind of law where, if you can do it when nobody else is looking, you can get away with it. It’s a cause-and-effect kind of thing, and the principle of cause and effect is always in operation, no matter what becoming you’re in.

So as you’re in the kitchen, as you’re working in the orchard, as you’re hanging around with other people, remember that you do have certain principles you have to hold on to regardless of whatever that becoming may be.

It’s like when you become a monk. There comes a point where, as you’re dreaming, you start doing something monks shouldn’t do, and there’ll be a point where you realize, “Oops, I’m a monk. I can’t do this”—a little moment of mindfulness, a moment of heedfulness. Well, you want to get faster and faster at those moments, not only in your dreams but also in your social engagements.

As for saying things are entertaining, think of the word “witty.” The old word “wit” means a “quick intelligence.” If you say something funny, it was considered witty if it was clever and intelligent, a sign that you were fast on your feet. Well, you want to be even faster on your feet. Say something that’s intelligent and clever and funny, but also true.

This is how the great humorists became great, not just because they were really funny, but because they told the truth in a way that showed how ironic the world is. There are plenty of things in the world that are very ironic, and you can point them out. That actually shows a higher degree of wit. In other words, instead of being glum and grim, you have to be even wittier than you have been, faster on your feet, faster in your ways of expressing yourself.

So this is what mindfulness is for. It takes you from one becoming to the next without forgetting things in between. This is how we develop here in meditation. You see another world beginning to form and yet you don’t let go of your concentration. You don’t let go of your breath. Now, in certain worlds, when you do have to think about things, you move into them consciously, with alertness, and you don’t blank out as you go from one world to the next. That way, you can maintain the thread of your mindfulness, of your precepts — mindfulness of what’s skillful and what’s not skillful. Otherwise, we lose consciousness as we go from one becoming to the next. And in losing consciousness, there are a lot of things we forget.

Like that character in The Sirens of Titan who has his memory erased several times: They can’t erase his memory totally. They tried that with a few people, and they just became vegetables. Before he goes into the operation where he’s going to have his memory erased another time—and it’s being erased because he’s figuring things out, something’s very suspect in the way this station on Mars is being run —he buries in the part of his mind where some memories remain that he’s written a letter to himself, and he’s stashed it away in a certain place. All the things he’s figured out are written down in that letter, so that he doesn’t forget.

Well, keep in that part of your mind that, no matter what becoming you go into, you’ve got important memories stashed away. You remember the precepts. You remember the Buddha. You remember to be mindful and alert. Try to hold on to those memories, no matter what becoming you go into, so that you don’t get sucked into the values of becomings that could pull you down.

That principle applies to your internal becomings, to becomings as you go from one life to the next, and to your social becomings. You have a part of you that doesn’t enter fully into every becoming, a part where you’ve got your important messages safe: messages to yourself about what’s skillful and what’s not, and what your overall values are. That way, you can participate in other becomings and not come out with a lot of regret, because you’ve held true to values that are more important than being entertaining or congenial or wanting to look good.

There are more important things in life. Always keep that in mind.